| COMMENTARY |
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How many church members does it take to
change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only 1 – Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10 – One to change the bulb, and nine to pray
against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None – Lights will go on and off at predestined
times.
Roman Catholic: None – Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15 – One to change the light bulb, and three
committees to approve the change and decide who brings the
potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3 – One to call the electrician, one to mix the
drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one
was.
Mormons: 5 – One man to change the bulb, and four wives to
tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor
of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own
journey you have found that light bulbs work for
you, you are invited to write a poem or compose
a modern dance about your light bulb for the next
Sunday service, in which we will explore a number
of light bulb traditions, including incandescent,
fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which
are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined – Whether your light is bright, dull,
or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, a
turnip bulb, or a tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the
Sunday lighting service and covered dish dinner.
Nazarene: 6 – One woman to replace the bulb while five men
review the church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None – Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: -- What's a light bulb?
--submitted by Kathy Hill
change a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only 1 – Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: 10 – One to change the bulb, and nine to pray
against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None – Lights will go on and off at predestined
times.
Roman Catholic: None – Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15 – One to change the light bulb, and three
committees to approve the change and decide who brings the
potato salad and fried chicken.
Episcopalians: 3 – One to call the electrician, one to mix the
drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one
was.
Mormons: 5 – One man to change the bulb, and four wives to
tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor
of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own
journey you have found that light bulbs work for
you, you are invited to write a poem or compose
a modern dance about your light bulb for the next
Sunday service, in which we will explore a number
of light bulb traditions, including incandescent,
fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which
are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined – Whether your light is bright, dull,
or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, a
turnip bulb, or a tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the
Sunday lighting service and covered dish dinner.
Nazarene: 6 – One woman to replace the bulb while five men
review the church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None – Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: -- What's a light bulb?
--submitted by Kathy Hill
| MANDY'S FAVORITE JOKE OF THE MOMENT |
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind
him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the
ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. 'That will
be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls
out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man
says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact
change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?'
asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and
a salad,' says the man.'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be
$32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket
and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse
me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact
change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic
and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and
offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to
pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the
right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for
a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as
you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the
exact money is always there,' says the man.
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for
a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with
everything I say.'
him. The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the
ostrich, 'What's yours?'
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. 'That will
be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls
out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man
says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact
change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?'
asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and
a salad,' says the man.'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be
$32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket
and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse
me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact
change in your pocket every time?'
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic
and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and
offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to
pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the
right amount of money would always be there.'
'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for
a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as
you want for as long as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the
exact money is always there,' says the man.
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for
a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with
everything I say.'